


The Darkness of Our Hearts

by Sereq_ieh_Dashret



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Arranged Marriage, Bisexual Characters, Canon-Typical Violence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Explicit Sexual Content, Ghosts, Heartbreak, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Sex, Kaleesh Culture, Lack of Communication, Lightsaber Battles, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Mind Rape, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past Slavery, Polyfidelity, Pregnancy, Sexual Fantasy, Sith in love, Sparring, Speciesism, The Dark Side of the Force, duking it out solves everything, kind of, meddling ghosts, well-intentioned blunders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:26:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8830399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sereq_ieh_Dashret/pseuds/Sereq_ieh_Dashret
Summary: Set after the end of SWTOR, but before KoFE. Sith Inquisitor Sereq Kallig had always known that her apprentice meant a lot to her. When, being the only man left from his bloodline, Xalek has to go back to Kalee and marry, she realises that her feelings are not easy to deal with and the pull of the Dark doesn't help either. FemSI/Xalek, rated M for reasons. not PwP, hopefully.X-posted from FF.net since I keep referring to it in my other Star Wars fics.





	1. Lust and Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the original Star Wars or SWTOR characters. They belong to their respective owners/authors. I do own the OCs, however.
> 
> I was looking up Kaleesh characters on Wookiepedia to have some idea about the characterisation of some OCs I am planning for CIS Commandos, when I stumbled upon Xalek from SWTOR. I thought he was a really cool and underused character, so I looked up more about SWTOR, and lo and behold! a new fic was born.
> 
> Sereq Kallig is my female Zabrak Light-Sided Sith Inquisitor OC. She is sarcastic and kicks loads of ass, but has a very good relationship with her companions and especially with Xalek, whome she tries to push into the realisation of his potential. She is also bisexual and not overly bothered by species differences and has a very soft spot for her apprentice.
> 
> I have never actually played SWTOR, and I'm basing everything on storyline videos and Wookiepedia, so I apologise if it doesn't make much sense.
> 
> This is basically made of interspecies romance (Sereq/Xalek with a side helping of Ashara/Andronikos), so don't read if you don't like the idea. also, this is quite citrusy and violent in places, so think before you proceed.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING: graphic sexual fantasy

Sereq Kallig, also known and feared as Darth Imperius, sat panting against the wall of the courtyard she and her subordinates had appropriated as training grounds, sweat dripping from her brow into her eyes. Sparring with her apprentice was always good fun. He was fast and agile, stronger than his wiry frame would suggest, and he had all the right instincts to be a great fighter. She enjoyed fighting against him almost as much as she enjoyed fighting at his side and wreaking havoc among the enemies of the Empire. His technique still required polishing, and he still needed to learn to fully integrate the use of the Force in his fighting style, but their sparring matches were becoming more and more challenging and interesting, and she treasured the time they could spend together like that.

Today in particular, Xalek had given it everything he had and maybe a bit more, and now was sitting just an arm-length away, looking as exhausted as she felt.  
"You've thrown some Juyo into the mix this time, am I right?" she commented appreciatively, trying to slow her breathing.  
Xalek nodded. "Yes, Mistress." he panted, also breathless  
"Neatly done, but you'll need to improve on your stamina. Juyo is quite draining and you were a bit sloppy towards the end." she advised.  
The Kaleesh nodded again. He was always quite laconic, almost to the point of mutism, but he was far from stupid, whatever the other Sith thought about it. He was a good listener and a keen observer, to the point that even she felt quite disquieted when in the focus of his sharp yellow eyes.  
Those were the only visible part of his face, apart from the huge tusks protruding from his jaw, and, in the course of his apprenticeship, she had learned to read his emotions in them well enough. Under the stoic façade, there was a deep well of passion hidden in his soul. It was that passion, that lust for life and meaning, that had drawn her to him when he was a mere graduate of the Academy.  
Today, he seemed troubled by something. It was harder to notice now, but she had felt it quite keenly earlier as they sparred. Juyo fed on passion, on strong emotions, but it also made them come to the surface. He had been burning with them, blazing like fire, and she had the impression that he hadn't burned through all of them yet.

Maybe it was just cabin fever, she mused. It had been a good two months since their last off-world mission and she knew he tended to feel cooped up after a while. He was still quite young, probably in his early twenties, and he had a lot of energy to spend. Maybe she should organise a sparring match between him and another apprentice in the next days, so that he could properly exhaust himself.  
Then again, maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Xalek tended to take those sort of matches too seriously and things usually went quite badly... for his opponents.  
She was quite fed up with the whinging and grumbling of other, lesser Sith, when Xalek thrashed the weaklings they had chosen as apprentices.  
It was not her fault that she had picked the best, though unlikeliest, of the crop, a true warrior, with the patience of a hunter and the loyalty of a faithful hound. Not her fault, but her pride.

Sereq's eyes shifted towards him as if of their own volition. The day was hot and for once Xalek had foregone his hood and his heavy robes, and was wearing just a pair of dark, loose _hakamas_ and his mask. Apart from the wrappings around his wrists and forearms, most of his upper body was bare to her sight, and her eyes couldn't help but stray towards his bright red skin and the lean and defined muscle in his arms and chest. It was aesthetically pleasing to watch him fight dressed like that, to observe his body in action without impediments. Concentrated as she had been first on keeping her advantage in their match, and then, as things got more serious, on keeping all her limbs attached, it had been less of a distraction.  
Now, however, preventing herself from ogling him like a horny teenager was requiring quite a bit of self control.  
A nice and cold shower was what she needed to cool down, and not just from the heat of the fight.

As if following her line of thoughts, Xalek stood up and stalked towards the fountain in the middle of the courtyard. He scooped up some water in the hollow of his hands and somehow managed to drink it from the hole in the bottom of his mask which left his mouth partly uncovered.  
Inquisitor Sereq watched the droplets of water running down his arms and chest with extreme interest, feeling her own mouth go dry all of a sudden. Just to make matters worse, her apprentice decided that he was still feeling too hot, so he took up one of buckets set aside for the initiates to wash the courtyard, and poured it over his head.  
Inquisitor Sereq repressed a whimper, feeling herself become wet as well, even if in an altogether different way. Did Xalek truly not realise the effect he had on females when he pulled stunts like that?  
Well maybe not on all females. Maybe shirtless, wet Xalek was an immediate turn-on only for her, but still... She was basically eating him up with her eyes, and yet he appeared totally unaware of the fact.  
And it was not as if he wasn't self-aware. He was extremely self-conscious when it came to his appearance, to the point of covering as much of his body as he could manage with heavy robes and a hood, as if to conceal himself. It was only with her that he relaxed enough to dress more comfortably, at times. Possibly it had to do with the speciesism of most Sith, who considered the Kaleesh little more than brutes.  
Xalek must have realised that she wasn't most Sith and that she didn't really care what species her subordinates were. In his case less than ever.

Eventually, Xalek noticed her gaze upon him and turned towards her, holding another bucket, full nearly to the brim with cool water, and looking a question at her.  
Sereq hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. "Why not?" she thought to herself, standing up and walking towards him.  
"It's hot today, Mistress." Xalek said, handing the bucket over with a small bow.  
"Indeed." Sereq replied, bowing herself as she accepted it. She threw her head backwards, raised the bucket over it, and poured the cold, cold water over her face and hair, feeling it spill over her chest and down her body, glueing her thankfully dark clothes to her body. She could feel her nipples harden into points from the cold, but the chill was soothing and relieving after feeling so hot.  
Sereq blinked water out of her eyes and handed the bucket back to her apprentice with a nod. For a moment, she thought she had seen a flash of heat in his yellow eyes and his four-fingered hand brushed hers for an instant more than strictly necessary as he collected the bucket.  
A shiver went through her and her hearbeat spiked for a moment before she got herself back under control. She was usually quite perceptive and able to spot even the slightest of people's reactions, but in this case she might have been deceiving herself. She wanted quite badly for Xalek to be affected by her as she was affected by him, to want her as much as she wanted him, and she could have easily overinterpreted his reaction.

"Thank you, apprentice. - she forced herself to say - That will be all for this morning."  
Xalek acknowledged her instructions with a slight bow, then raised his yellow gaze to lock it with hers.  
"I'll see you in the afternoon. We still have to work on that uncatalogued artifact." Sereq added.  
"As you command, Mistress." Xalek replied, as usual, with a slight bow and took his leave, stalking towards his quarters.  
Sereq watched him walk away, his short queue of black hair dripping water down his back and into the waistband of his _hakamas._ She closed her eyes, fighting the impulse to stop him and lick the water off the whip marks on his back. When she opened them again he was mercifully already gone back inside.

By the time she had reached her quarters, Sereq was feeling quite sore from the training and limped straight to the shower, stripping her wet training fatigues and dropping them on the floor of the 'fresher. The air-con of the base had made her nipples perk up even more, so much that it was nearly uncomfortable. She stepped into the cubicle and turned the water to blood-temperature, letting the heat soothe her sore muscles and relax her. It was tragic irony that every male she had crossed in the corridors of the base had cast lustful glances at her, or at least had noticed her, while her infuriatingly stoic apprentice had barely batted an eyelash. The barest glance, the barest touch, that was everything she had managed to extract from him.  
Part of her mind insisted that it was nothing, but another part knew that he never, ever touched her outside sparring and training. That slightest touch, that minute infringement of their unspoken rule, might be a sign that she had actually affected him.  
Maybe next time she should wear less clothes herself, show more of her body to him. Maybe, if she was lucky and cunning in her manouvers, next time she could coax a stronger reaction from him. In her mind's eye, she could almost see it happen.

 _Next time he_ _would grab her hand and pull her flush against his body, and she would feel him hard and aching for her. She would loosen the tie of his trousers and let them fall to the ground and, finally, she would see him completely naked for the first time. They would had been both so lost in their desire for each other that there would be no time for hesitant exploring, nor for tentative caresses._  
He would push her to the ground - she imagined, sneaking a finger between her legs to relieve the terrible ache she was feeling there - _and_ _tear her clothes to shreds, first her shirt, then her trousers and finally her smallclothes, leaving her exposed._  
And then he would take her roughly, there in the middle of the courtyard, where anyone could see them. He would pound himself hard into her, harder and harder until she didn't know whether it was pain or pleasure she was feeling, but it would be good, so good that she would be whimpering for him as every stroke brought her closer to rapture.  
And then she would scream for him, howl his name as she lost herself in pleasure so intense that it was almost like death, and she would hear him cry out for her as he spilled himself inside her, and it would be perfect, so terribly perfect...

Her own release caught her almost by surprise, much stronger than usual, forcing her spine to bow and her muscles to clench. Her legs buckled under her, making her slide to the floor of the cubicle, and she caught herself just as she was going to call out for her apprentice in the height of her rapture.

Sereq bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and flicked her Force upwards at the temperature control, switching it to punishingly cold. The shock nearly took her breath away, but she forced herself to endure it for long moments, before she dragged herself up and switched off the water altogether.

She had been doing it again, she berated herself, stepping out of the shower and drying herself out with jerky, angry motions. She hadn't just been fantasizing about her apprentice, which was bad enough, but she had been dreaming of submitting to him, of letting him have his way with her as he pleased, and that was something no Sith worth her salt would do.  
She had to stop thinking about it, she told herself, she had to excise that weakness from her mind.  
She was in charge, she was the Master, and if anyone had to submit to someone else, it should be Xalek to submit to her.  
It was true, but that didn't change the fact that fantasizing about topping him didn't satisfy her as much as the reverse.

Sereq sighed. She hadn't reached the rank of Councillor and the ripe old age of twenty-seven just to be dominated by her lust like a common harlot, even if the object of her lustful thoughts was tall and strong and utterly lickable, and probably hung like a rancor to boot...  
... and Force-dammit, there she was at it again!  
Fuming, Sereq turned on the water to absolute cold and forced herself under it again. It would be a long day...

Later that afternoon, Sereq sat stiffly in her workspace trying to decode an old holocron. Her apprentice, now fully clothed and hooded, sat at the next workstation ans cross-referenced some obscure information on the database Sereq had put together with the help of her staff. She knew that it wasn't his favourite job, but, as always, he did as told as best as he could, employing all his hunter's patience and concentration for the task. "Stalking data" he called it, and he was quite good at it.  
As during the morning, however, Sereq sensed that there was something off with him, something that made him uneasy and nervous and dissatisfied. His Force-signature was clouded with it and, after her morning ordeal, she was starting to get unnerved too.

"What's wrong with you?" she finally burst, as he fidgeted and sighed once too many, breaking her concentration.  
Xalek didn't try to deny that there was something amiss, but hesitated in providing an answer.  
"So?" Sereq insisted, glaring at him and crossing her arms below her breasts.  
"I received a message from the elders of my clan, Mistress." he admitted finally, lowering his head.  
"Another of your relatives has died?" she asked, feeling slightly bad about having been harsh with him.  
Xalek shook his head. "No." he replied and Sereq knew that he wasn't going to offer more information unless she asked him to. Usually his laconicity pleased her, but today everything seemed to irritate her.  
"Then what?" she barked.  
Another minute hesitation. "I am the last male of my family. They said I have a duty to preserve my father's bloodline." he revealed.  
"So what?" she asked, feeling that she wouldn't like the direction towards which the conversation was steering.  
"So they have selected a wife for me." he replied, lowering his gaze to the floor.

Sereq blinked and breathed deeply.

A wife?!

Xalek would have to marry?!

Sereq couldn't wrap her head around it. Xalek was hers in a way that none of her other subordinates were, a solid presence in her life, always ready to fight at her side, no matter what the odds, always there to listen, even if he didn't say much.  
Some of her other subordinates had families and children, she knew that, but somehow she had always assumed that Xalek would always be only hers, that even if she never made any of her fantasies into reality he would never have any other woman.  
It felt wrong to think of him belonging to someone else, to another woman worse than anything.  
But it was his duty to his clan and to his dead parents, and Sereq knew that it would tear him apart to be prevented from discharging it.

"Well, I suppose congratulations are in order, then? When is the ceremony going to be?" she asked, forcing herself to sound cheerful.  
"Do I have your permission to marry?" Xalek asked, briefly meeting her gaze before he lowered his eyes again.  
"Are you really asking me such a question?" Sereq retorted, exasperated.  
"Of course. You are my family now, Mistress." Xalek replied tonelessly, still without looking at her.

Sereq's thoughts flashed back to the day he had returned to her after his father's funeral.  
_"From now on you are my mother and my father, Mistress."_ he had said, and evidently he hadn't meant that just in a ceremonial sense. He really considered her as a parental substitute, then.  
Oh, the tragic irony, she thought.  
What was she supposed to say to that? "Yes, of course, go ahead, marry another woman, give her a good kriff and make a lot of scaly brats with her, while I disgrace myself in the shower, dreaming of you..."

Her hesitation must have clued him to the fact that something was amiss and he looked up at her again with an almost pleading expression.  
Of course he wants me to say yes, she thought, the honour of his family and his clan are at stake, and maybe he also wants to get into business with someone from his own species. He had never expressed any interest in any woman before, but maybe that was because he found the species difference a bigger barrier than she did.  
Maybe he dreamed of a woman from his tribe, with scaly red skin, yellow eyes and tusks, and he found her own scale-less skin, her red eyes, her vestigial horns and her tattoos off-putting or even repulsive. Maybe she had never had any sort of chance at all.

"Of course you have my permission, Xalek. Just make sure that your marriage doesn't distract you from your duties as my apprentice." she said finally, trying to sound maternal and stern and not half-brokenhearted.  
Xalek looked up at her once more and she had the fleeting impression that he was almost disappointed by her reply.  
"Of course, Mistress. I know where my primary loyalty resides." he declared.  
Sereq sighed. "So when are you going?" she asked, rubbing her forehead wearily.  
"If you agree, I will depart in three days. I will have to stay for at least a month to settle everything properly." he replied, uncharacteristically articulate.  
"Yes, I suppose it's not going to be that easy." she commented.  
Xalek nodded. "No, Mistress, but once it is done, I will come back to you." he declared.  
"Will you bring your wife back with you?" Sereq asked trying to hide her anxiety at the thought.  
"No, Mistress. - he replied, shaking his head - She will stay on Kalee."  
Sereq repressed a sigh of intense relief. She didn't know if she would have been able to be on the same planet as Xalek's wife without wanting to kill her every minute of her waking hours.  
"Are you happy about this, Xalek? I guess you don't even know her, do you?" she asked instead, forcing a smile.  
"It is my duty, Mistress." he replied again without inflection.  
"It is your honour." she continued, echoing his own words.  
"Yes, Mistress. Tradition demands it." he confirmed.  
"And who are we to break tradition, eh?" Sereq commented in what she hoped was a light tone.  
Xalek gave her a long, intense look and nodded, lowering his gaze again.  
Once more, Sereq had the impression that something was off, even if she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was her.  
Most likely it was her.  
It would pass, she told herself, and tried to go back to work as if nothing had happened, but all energy seemed to have drained from her.

Three days later, Sereq insisted on saying farewell to him at the airstrip before he departed for Kalee. She remembered enough about the marriage traditions of her homeworld to know that it should be an occasion of joy and great merriment, and so she made sure it was. There were toasts of pulkay, laughter and bawdy jokes, as it should be. Sereq made a valiant effort to appear unaffected by the situation, but as soon an even more laconic than usual Xalek had taken off, she shut herself in her chambers, with the excuse of meditation.

Xalek was gone to his duty.  
She would have to come to terms with the idea that he was no longer only hers, and would never be only hers again.  
He would have a wife, when he came back.  
She could almost imagine her. She would be beautiful, of course. Only the most beautiful girl of the village would do for a great warrior like Xalek. And she would be young, much younger than Sereq herself was, a flower in full bloom, unscarred in body and soul, unlike her, with unblemished red skin, and a heart ready to love unreservedly.  
She would be the one to share with him the pleasures of flesh, to hold him close during countless nights, to make him happy and to see him smile.

It wasn't fair, Sereq told herself.  
She had been the one to believe in Xalek's potential, to see him when all other Siths overlooked him, and to push him into the realisation of that potential.  
Xalek should belong to her and her alone, and not to some stupid village girl who knew nothing about him.  
She should be the one to bring him to rapture, it should be _her_ name he called in his moment of ecstasy, and _her_ bed, next to _her,_ should be where he lay exhausted and sated.  
She had dreamt of it so much and so hard, that it felt almost like a memory, and now it would never come to pass.

Alone in her chambers, Darth Imperius, Councillor of the Sith, lay on her empty bed and cried.


	2. Duty and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original Star Wars characters. I do own the OCs, though. I do not make a £ from this.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING: lemon (same species), mentions of slavery, kind-of-infidelity.
> 
> If you're wondering about the name I chose for Xalek's wife, yes, I'm deliberately implying that good old Grievous is a distant descendant of Xalek.
> 
> Flame all you want, I'm fireproof.

Late in the night of his marriage, Xalek lay awake on the bed in his father's house, his house now.  
His wife lay beside him, gently curled on her left side, deeply asleep and totally peaceful, her long dark hair spread across the pillow and down her back, and a small, secretive smile on her face.  
His wife... Sheela, child of dreams.  
It still felt unreal to think of her in such terms. She had been a child when he had been taken, and now she was a woman, but she was still as naive as the pretty child she had been, unaware of anything that happened outside the limited world of her clan and of their rival neighbours.

So innocent... and yet so willing, so eager to be loved. And caught up in the moment, he had been equally eager to perform his... _duties_.  
Usually Kaleesh men married younger than he had, and arrived to marriage with a certain... experience, so to speak. He had been too young and too caught up in his warrior training to care about girls, when he had been captured, and until that night, had lived a life of absolute celibacy.  
He had never thought he had been missing out on sex until then, but as soon as he and his wife has been left alone and she had started to show him how "love" was supposed to be, it was as if the floodgates had been opened and desire had taken over him. They had been at it for most of the night, almost unable to stop, and the more he learned about sex, the more he realised that there was something wrong, something missing.  
Now his body was sated, sore even, but his heart and his soul were still unsatisfied, still empty.  
That was not how it was supposed to be, not how he had imagined it to be the few times he had given any thought to it, he told himself, sitting up in bed and shaking his head.  
It was not Sheela's fault: she was beautiful, and lovely, and deserved to be loved.  
The fault was in him, in his heart that could not love her because it already longed for someone else, even if that someone else was as unattainable as a goddess.

Mistress Sereq... he thought, sighing to himself.  
She had been the center of his existence ever since she had stopped in front of his group of students of the Academy on Korriban. Her gaze had slid over his group-mates without even seeing them and had stopped on him, even though he was an ex-slave and just a brainless savage in the eyes of the instructors.

 _"What is your name, acolyte?" she had asked him with her calm but decisive voice._  
 _"Xalek, my Lady." he had replied, using the bastardized form of his name that was all the instructors could manage to pronounce. His true name was just one of the many things he had lost when the Sith had captured him._  
 _"They tell me you are a fighter." she had said._  
 _"I am a warrior, my Lady." he had replied, with all the pride years of slavery and discrimination_ _had left him._  
 _"A warrior..." she had repeated, almost dreamily, grabbing his mask and forcing him to look into her eyes._  
 _He had held her red-gold gaze and had felt her touching his mind with hers, gently stirring his feelings and thoughts to the surface, all the anger and the inchoate desire for something more, something bigger and better than being just the outlier in a class full of backstabbers and bootlickers, something that would make his soul soar and his life burn gloriously, even just for a moment._  
 _"Yes, I see that you are. - she had said, slowly withdrawing from him - I expect great things from you, Xalek." she had added over her shoulder before walking away._

Ever since landing there, he had always determined that he would survive the Sith Academy, even if just to spite the instructors who thought him a brute and a moron. On that day, instead, he had realised that someone believed that he could excel, that he was special and somehow important.  
And just like that, she had taken his rage and his pain away, and forged them into new pride and determination. Just like that, she had given him purpose.  
She had never talked to him again before the day she had taken him as an apprentice, but he had known that she was keeping an eye on him, following his progress. He had not been just an ex-slave any longer.  
He had mattered to someone, and that had given him the impulse to try and be the best he could be, both as a Sith acolyte and as a Kaleesh.

No one in his group had tried harder, no one had risked more, and at the end his efforts had been rewarded, and he had become hers.  
He had willingly given himself over to serve her, and he had done it with joy, because there was fire in her, not just in her eyes, but in her soul, and he wanted that fire, he wanted to let it kindle in him as well, and burn as bright.  
According to Sith traditions, Mistress Sereq technically owned him, and could have done whatever she pleased with him, but she had always treated him like a favourite student instead of like a servant, teaching him everything, showing him things he had never imagined: the wonders of the past, and entire new worlds he would have never seen if he had remained on Kalee.  
Under her guidance, he had discovered that there was more to life than fighting, that wisdom could be as important as bravery. He had realised that if he truly aspired to greatness he had to become not just a warrior, but a warleader, able to take decisions about war, but also about peace. He had had much to learn, he had discovered that he liked it, not just to be able to walk on the path of greatness, but also for its own sake.  
She had made him into a new person, so much more than the boy who dreamed of war on the shores of the Jenuwaa sea, and for this he honoured her like a son honours the parents who had given him the gift of life... or at least that was what he had always told himself, even if deep down he had know for a while that there was more.  
A dutiful retainer doesn't necessarily ache inside with longing at the sight of how wet clothes cling to the figure of his liege, like he had done just a few days before.  
A favourite student doesn't run around half-naked in the hope that his instructor would notice him.

He longed for her like a man longs for a woman and he must have done it for what was probably a long time, without being able to admit it even to himself.  
When the message from the Elders had arrived, he had known immediately where his duty lay. He had to preserve his father's legacy, make sure that their bloodline didn't become extinct, but oh, the thought of touching another woman, of having to mate with her... it was unbearable.  
He belonged to Mistress Sereq, and if she didn't want to have him, then he didn't want to have anyone else, but at the same time he knew that the Elders were right, that he couldn't let his family die with him. His heart had been so torn that he had thought the blood would show, welling from his chest.  
His last hope had been that his Mistress would refuse to allow him to marry. That she would slap him or even zap him for the impertinence of having asked. That she would tell him: "You are mine and mine only, Xalek.".  
He would have knelt happily at her feet, then, and forgotten about the whole situation.  
But she had not. And why should she have done that? She was always so kind and understanding with him.

So there he was, in bed with his wife, but thinking that it should have been his Mistress to train him to please her with his body, to show him exstasy, and to share her own with him, instead.  
He couldn't stop thinking about how perfect it would have been to have that fire wrapped around him as she rode him hard and fast, to hear her voice urging him on, to feel her hands on him, and her gaze locked with his, joining their souls as deeply as their bodies were joined... just the thought of it made his body respond and his heart ache with longing.

He should stop thinking of that, he chided himself, clenching his fists so hard that he cut his palms open with his own claws.  
Sheela didn't deserve to be treated like second best. His Mistress didn't deserve to be degraded to the object of sordid fantasies. With his thoughts he was betraying them both. He needed to stop now.  
Tapping into the Force, he called his saberstaff into his hands and held it in front of himself, concentrating on its heft and feel, on the smoothness of the metal and the small depression and indentations of the bone and shell inlays he had painstakingly incorporated in the design, so that it would look more like the shaft of a lance from his tribe. He breathed deeply and tried to empty his mind from all thoughts, until it was as calm as a pond. Passion had failed him that night. Peace was a welcome solace and he abandoned himself to it with relief.

Xalek didn't know hom much time he had spent meditating before something shifted on the bed and silently moved towards him. Shaken out of his trance, Xalek turned towards the disturbance as swiftly as an arrow, ready to respond to any threat. As he turned, his mind registered that it was Sheela, and with a certain effort he managed to restrain himself from violence. Nonetheless, she stopped in her track, a hand still extended towards him, and knelt on the bed, looking at him with an anxious and confused expression.  
"Xivhkalrainik... Are you feeling fine, husband?" she asked, tilting her head to one side and letting her hand fall.

For so many years on Korriban, Xalek had dreamed that someone would say his birth name like that, with respect and affection. Now, that name didn't mean much to him. It was the name of the person he had been, not of the person he was now.  
Xalek was his name now, the name that his Mistress used to call him to her side. His new name had been a humiliation, until she had transformed that too, together with him, the first time he had heard it on her lips.  
He didn't have the courage to tell Sheela to call him with that name, though. Better to let her think that he was still the same boy she had known when they were children, better to preserve the illusion and keep the two sides of his life separated.

"I am fine, wife. - he replied, trying to be gentle and putting his saberstaff back on the bedside table - I was just thinking."  
"And what thoughts can keep you awake on this night?" she asked crawling closer to him and setting her small hand on his shoulder.  
"Thoughts of the years I spent away." he replied, telling her only a partial lie. Even so, he felt like he couldn't look at her now, and turned his gaze away.  
Sheela pressed her body against his back and hugged him from behind.  
"You're home now, my love. It's alright." she whispered, trying to comfort him.  
Xalek sighed and forced himself to relax again. "I know. I'm fine, believe me." he said.  
"Then join me here..." Sheela retorted, releasing him. She lay back on the bed with her arms above her lovely head, and her legs bent and subtly spread, so that her pert breasts were shown to the best advantage and even sweeter pleasures were hinted at.

Even if part of him knew that it wasn't what he wanted, his instincts kicked in almost immediately, making him hard as a rock.  
He crawled towards her, barely thinking, and she spread her legs farther, welcoming him, encouraging him. He didn't need much convincing anyway. He eagerly pressed himself against her folds, swollen from their previous lovemaking, but still wonderfully wet for him, blindly seeking entrance, and she sneaked a hand between them and guided him in. For some reason, that nearly made him see stars, but he tried to be gentle nonetheless. Even so, she hissed in discomfort and he forced himself to stop, even if the only thing he wanted was to find oblivion inside her once more.  
"Am I hurting you?" he managed to ask between gritted teeth.  
Sheela shook her head and wrapped her legs around his waist, preventing him from withdrawing.  
"I am only a bit sore. It is nothing. Please..." she replied, writhing underneath him. Xalek closed his eyes and dipped very shallowly into the Force. He could sense her pleasure, her desire, but there was a shadow of pain in her mind and he didn't like the idea of hurting her. She was so weak compared to him. He was supposed to protect her, not to harm her.  
He was going to tell her that they were stopping, but she appeared to have different ideas, and started tilting and thrusting her hips, driving herself over him clumsily but still maddeningly. Caught by surprise, he reacted instinctively with hard thrusts of his own, nailing her to the bed. Her claws raked at his back and she gasped, arching against him. Pleasure and pain mixed again in her thoughts. That wouldn't do, Xalek thought, and rolled the on the bed so that he was lying down on it and she was on top of him. They had not tried that yet, maybe it wasn't usual on Kalee, but he knew that it was commonplace in the Empire.  
Somehow Andronikos had been told that he was going to marry, but had no direct experience of women, so he had set out to try and "educate" him through the viewing of porn movies. Xalek had to admit that he had learned quite a lot, and that had fueled his until then vague and undefined fantasies. He would never manage to use it has he had imagined, but at least now the knowledge was coming in handy.

Sheela placed her hands flat on his chest for support and eyed him in confusion. The shift in her hips as she did so sent a sharp jolt of pleasure down his cock and into his spine, forcing him to close his eyes.  
"What am I supposed to be doing now?" she asked.  
Xalek blinked a few times to clear his head. "Move for me, Sheela..." he encouraged her, gripping her waist and guiding her movements.  
"Like this? - she asked hesitantly - I've never tried to do anything like this before." she added apologetically.  
"Yes, like this... - he hissed, urging her to move faster - Does it hurt?" he asked belatedly, loosening his death grip on her hips.  
Sheela shook her head. "No... It is good... Gods, husband, you feel good like this." she whimpered, picking up her pace on her own now. She shifted her hips again, and when she started moving anew, driving herself harder and harder over him, he saw stars.  
"Ah... Don't stop... Use me as you wish..." Xalek gasped, the words flowing out of his mouth before he could stop himself.  
With his eyes closed and drunk on pleasure, it was easy to imagine that, instead of smooth red scales, the woman above him had soft golden skin marked by dark red tattoos highlighting her red-gold eyes, her high cheekbones and her lips; that the hair his hand was fisted in was not curly and black, but a glorious red cascade, finally unbound from her braid; that the voice that called for him was not argentine, but darker and huskier.  
"Gods... so close..." he panted, thrusting back into her.  
Sheela was lost to the world, very close to her own pleasure as well, and unable to articulate any coherent thought, but in his head Xalek could almost hear the voice of his Mistress say " _Yes, Xalek... Come for me, my brave..."_.

He did. He couldn't help it. It was so good...  
It was a miracle that he didn't scream her name, as pleasure washed over him, swift and violent as a flash-flood and stripped all thoughts away from him.  
After a while, he distantly realised his partner had slipped off him. She was now lying curled against his side, her legs tangled with his and a hand pressed on his chest, over his heart.

Still groggy from the afterglow and barely awake, he imagined that she was his Mistress, and fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	3. Hate and Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original Star Wars characters. I do own the OCs, though. I do not make a £ from this.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNING: violence, occasional strong language, non-consensual mind-reading.
> 
> Flame all you want, I'm fireproof.

 

Even a month was not enough for the raw wound in Sereq's heart to scar over.

Her tears had dried out almost completely on that first, horrible night, but the pain had not gone away, despite her best efforts to repress it and shove it into a corner of her mind.  
It had pervaded her whole being and sent her mind spiraling down odd paths, making her entertain thoughts she would have never considered otherwise. It was as if Xalek's departure and the sense of loss she had experienced had opened her eyes to a side of herself whose existance she had never even known.

Sith were trained to be absolutely self-reliant, to work together only when forced, and to never trust each other for a moment more than what was necessary. She was a Darth and a Councillor, sitting at the pinnacle of the pyramid of Sith society. She had endured all sorts of torture and deprivation to get where she was now, and she had always thought that in the process her heart had shrivelled and hardened, becoming useless. She had killed countless people without the least hesitation, when the situation required it. She had barely batted an eyelash when her borrowed apprentices, Corrin and Kaal, were killed by the emissaries of Darth Thanaton.  
And yet she had largest and closest entourage of the whole Council. Her companions: Ashara, Talos, Khem, and Andronikos. They were important to her, not just for what they could do for her, but for all the trials they had been through together. If only she closed her eyes, so many of those moments flashed in her mind, glimpses of quests and battles, but also of the day when Ashara had bailed out of a sparring match and had confessed to her that she had had an "accident" with Andronikos, and that she would have to take a nine-month break; or of when she had walked in on Talos trying to explain the rules of Mandalorean bolo-ball to a baffled Khem; or, again, of when Ashara's water burst during a meeting, and a terrified Talos had to deliver her baby on the meeting room table. And then all of them together, sitting in the galley of Andronikos' ship, drinking pulkay and talking and laughing.  
She trusted them in battle and to help her in her research, but there was more than that. They were a sort of messed-up surrogate of the family she barely remembered. She drew strength from their presence, she drew balance and companionship.  
She needed to have people near her, she needed companions. Maybe her ability to summon ghosts somehow primed her to connect with others. Or maybe it was just a quirk in her character, a weakness most of her fellow Sith would call it, but one from which she had learned to draw the strength necessary to become more than she was, to become a better warrior and a better leader.

And then there was Xalek. The memories that had to do with him were the clearest in her mind, crisp and sharp like full-spectrum high-definition holos.  
He was barely more than a lad when she had noticed him among the students on Voss, an ex-slave, a non-human, a pariah, just like she had been in her youth, his spirit wounded but not yet destroyed by his trials. Almost all students at Sith academies were crucibles of anger, fear and ambition. Only a few had real strength of will, and fewer still were actually brave enough to talk back to a Sith Lord like he had done. He was the only one she had met that was still able to aspire to something that went beyond petty infighting, that wanted to live his life with passion and take risks to achieve something remarkable. Like she still did, in her heart of hearts. She didn't want to live forever, like her own Master did. She wanted to shine, to do something truly amazing in whatever life she had left, something that truly mattered. She wanted to be remembered for her deeds when she died.

Ever since the moment she had looked into his inhuman and yet so soulful eyes, she had vowed to herself that she would train him as well as she could. If she had to be killed by her apprentice, as was the fate of many Sith, at least let him be someone who had dreams, someone whose spirit still burned bright. And anyway Xalek was so damned honourable, that at least she would see the blade coming at her from miles away. To be cut down by the companion of a thousand fights during a duel to the death wasn't such a bad way to go, she had imagined, when prone to contemplations of this kind. It would be clean, and it would be personal, almost intimate.

When that day came, she would welcome it, but until then she knew that she could trust Xalek with her own life if need be. In fact, she had done so over and over when she had gone on quests alone with him into a den infested with foul creatures, or into enroaching Republican or Hutt outposts, with just their four blades, the Force, and barely a scrap of armour between the two of them. They hardly had needed to talk to understand each other then. A glance, a nod, a sharp call was all they had needed to communicate as they had danced together the dance of the sabers, as the Force swirled and flowed between them like a living thing that linked their spirits.  
The Jedi prattled on about the Living Force, about how all beings in the Galaxy were connected to each other. Sereq wasn't totally convinced that it was the case, but she knew that there was a link between her and Xalek, and that it was increasingly less like the link beteween a teacher and her student (even if she was still several steps ahead of him), and more like the link between two people who worked toghether, and fought together, and had a similar idea of how life should be.  
She had been taking everything for granted: that synchrony born of long practice and reciprocal understanding; the long moments of companionable silence; their rare conversations; his calm and quiet strength, on which she had learned to rely upon; the way sometimes he looked at him, like she was the only thing that mattered in the Galaxy... Now that complicity would be lost forever.  
She wouldn't just have lost the exclusive hold and power she might have had on him, but a person that meant a lot to her, more than every other person alive.

It was crazy how she had never been aware of spending any length of time thinking about him, during the whole time of his apprenticeship with her. Now that she had lost him, she couldn't stop.  
When she was out in the field, surveying the excavations, or in her office doing research, she thought of all the times he sat next to her, eagerly drinking up her words, trying to learn everything he could. When she practiced her forms in the courtyard, she thought of the battles they had fought together, and of their last sparring match. When she slept, alone in her bed, she dreamed of him. Sometimes she still dreamed of submission and violence, but most times her dreams were softer, more gentle. She dreamed of shared pleasure, of them learning the way of each other's body, touching caressing, kissing, and joining in extasy, of it meaning something beyond pure physicality, and she woke up feeling a hollow inside her heart.

The pain, the wrongness she had felt when he left... She had realised too late that what she felt for Xalek went beyond mere lust and possessive jealousy. Now her occasion, if ever she had had one, had passed. Like a river, life had gone on, but her heart was still stranded, and as she stood on the airstrip, waiting for Xalek's ship to land, she hoped and prayed that there would still be something to salvage between the two of them, that the changes in his life had not driven them irrevocably far apart.

The landing bay opened with a whirr of servos and a pneumatic hiss. Xalek walked down the gangway without haste and stopped in front of her, bowing low.  
"Mistress..." he greeted.  
"Xalek... Welcome back. It's been a long time." Sereq said, unable to repress a smile.  
He looked slightly different, she thought, and then she realised that he wasn't wearing his usual hood. His hair looked a bit longer and was bound in a tight braid with bone beads woven into the strands, and his clothes were new, a pair of baggy _hakamas_ and some sort of leather coat, all in black, embroidered with glyphs and symbols. The clothes were just the beginning, though. There was a new weight to his gaze as it set on her. A new awareness shone in his eyes, making him look more mature and melancholy.

"I am happy to be back to your side, Mistress." he said quietly, and Sereq divined a small smile behind his mask.  
It seemed genuine, but she imagined that it would have been hard for him to leave his new wife just as they were getting to know and maybe love each other.  
"And I am happy that you are back. - Sereq replied - I trust everything went well back home." she added.  
Xalek nodded. "It did, Mistress." he said in a tone completely devoid of any inflection.  
"You'll tell me all about it later. I suppose you will want to unpack now." she proposed.  
Xalek nodded again. "I would appreciate some time to do so."  
"Then you can join me in my study in a couple of hours." Sereq instructed.  
"It should be enough." he assented.  
Sereq nodded, still feeling that there was something wrong underneath the apparent banality of their interaction.  
"I'll see you later then." she said, turning his back on him and trying not to think about it.

After that insatisfactory first meeting at the airstrip, Sereq waited in her study, feeling slightly anxious, and listlessly paged through excavation reports without really concentrating on what was written in them. All of her being was alert and waiting for the arrival of her apprentice.  
Xalek showed up at the exact two-hour mark, still dressed in his new clothes. He looked even more handsome than usual in them, like a prince of his people.  
Sereq wondered whether they had been made by his wife, whether she had asked him to wear them for her when he was away, so that he would have a piece of home always with him.  
Korriban was home for Sereq, but now for her apprentice it must have become just another foreign place. It hurt to think so, but Sereq made sure that her turmoil didn't show on her face and that she appeared as calm as a pond.

Unaware of her reflections, Xalek sat down on the other side of her desk and waited for her acknowledgement.  
"So, is everything sorted?" Sereq asked.  
"Yes Mistress. I am ready. How can I serve you again?" Xalek asked.  
"Oh, the survey teams have found some pretty interesting stuff in the new site. - Sereq replied airily - I think that there might be the entrance to a new tomb down there. The team might be opening it any day now."  
Xalek nodded but didn't say anything. Idle remarks were not his forte.  
"So, how did it feel, to go back home?" Sereq ploughed on.  
Xalek sighed. "Strange. So many things have changed..." He shook his head, looking a bit desolate, and she felt her heart twinge a bit. She had never gone back to Iridonia, but she imagined that, if she did, nothing would be as she vaguely remembered from her childhood.  
"And your wife? Is she alright?" she asked, changing subject, even if she knew it would hurt her.  
"She is carrying my child." was the only reply, delivered with a tone of wonder.  
Sereq wasn't entirely surprised. In his wife's position, she would have had a go at him as often as she had possibly been able to, and that was only the natural consequence of such course of action.  
"So your bloodline is safe." she commented.  
"For now. Children are fragile. - he replied - I will have to go back for her birth." he added.  
Sereq nodded. "You know it's a girl already?"  
"I hope it. - Xalek replied with a hint of a smile - If it is, I will name her in your honour, Mistress." he added, bowing.  
"I... Well... - Sereq stammered - I would feel greatly honoured, Xalek." she managed at the end. It was a great honour, but one that was usually bestowed to older female relatives, to one's mother, or to one's aunt. She had definitely been shifted into the parental surrogate category, if indeed she had ever been anything but. She sighed, feeling another small reserve of hope shatter inside her.  
There was a rather long moment of silence.

"I suppose you'll have to have more than just one child." she commented.  
"It is custom." Xalek replied.  
"Ah, customs... For your people it is customary also to marry multiple wives. Will you have to?" Sereq asked, in a fit of masochism.  
His reaction surprised her. "No. I won't. I can't. - he replied, shaking his head with vehemence - Even if the Elders ask this of me, I will refuse. There is only so much a man can endure." he added, almost desperately.  
Sereq tilted her head to one side, torn between a strange sense of relief and the impression that she should be somehow offended as a woman. Was he impliying that the life of a married man was a torment?

"Does your wife give you grief, eh?" she asked quirking an eyebrow.  
Xalek shook his head. "No. Sheela is without guilt. - he quickly replied - The fault is in me. I should never have married. I should have stayed here by your side, Mistress." he added.  
The twinge of pity returned with a vengeance. He must miss her very much. She understood. She had just experienced the pain of a separation herself, and she knew that sometimes she had wished that she had never met Xalek at all, so that she wouldn't be in so much pain.  
"You'll see that time will fly. You will be home with your wife and daughter soon. - she tried to reassure him - And pretty soon you will be a fully fledged Sith Lord and you won't be bound to me anymore. You will be free to go where you please. You might even take permanent residence on Kalee." she added, smiling in spite of the pain she felt in her soul at the mere idea.  
"What did I do to displease you, Mistress, that you want me to leave? - Xalek asked, eyes wide with confusion and possibly alarm - I don't want to leave your service. I like to be your apprentice." he reassured hastily.  
Sereq smiled. She imagined that he would not want for her to think him weak or no longer commited to his training. " I am glad to know this, but for the future remember that not all Sith Lords reside on Korriban. You can serve the Empire even from its fringes." she advises gently.  
Xalek looked at her for a long moment, his eyes flat and empty, devoid of any sort of emotion. "I will remember, my Lady. - he said begrudgingly - Now, if you allow me, I would like to retire. It has been a long journey." he added.  
"I do. Go have some rest. - she conceded - Tomorrow I want you fully concentrated on your duties and your training."  
"Thank you Mistress." he replied and with a stiff bow, left her study as quickly as decorum allowed.  
The sense of wrongness she had experienced at the airstrip hit her again, but stronger now. There was more than one discordant note in their conversations since he returned and their easy interactions had become stilted and unnatural. Hopefully things would go back to normal as the fresh pain of the separation faded, Sereq told herself.

Instead, the days passed and turned into weeks, but the rift between them didn't decrease.  
They were growing distant and cold with each other, to the point that they tried to avoid having to spend too much time together outside the discharge of their duties. Gone were the evenings spent reading or smoking a hookah on the roof, looking at the sky in companionable silence. Gone was all complicity. Now they guarded their words and actions closely, wary of opening up even a fraction.  
Sereq saw her apprentice grow more and more melancholy, and the anger inside her grew day by day. He had replaced her with his young pretty wife, he pined after the little bitch, and didn't care about her anymore, not even enough to be a good companion for her like he had been before.  
She hated him for that, but at the same time she knew that it was because deep in her heart, she loved him so much that it scared her, and yet he had rejected her.  
Mad with pain, she became harsh and dismissive with him, not much better than the average Sith.  
It pained her to treat him so, but she couldn't help, not when she kept on dreaming about him, of how they could have been, of how they would never be. In her dreams, he said that he loved her, and she woke up crying and wishing with all of her soul that it was true.

"We need to talk." she told Xalek one evening, as they sat working in her study in oppressive, unnerving silence.  
Xalek raised his head from his terminal and nodded in acknowledgement.  
"What is the problem with you?" Sereq asked, unable to stand the situation any longer.  
"There is no problem with me." Xalek replied, lowering his eyes to his task again.  
"You lie. I can smell the stink of lies on you. - Sereq hissed - Ever since you came back, you look like life is a chore. The brokenhearted act has lost its novelty, Xalek."  
He didn't reply, but kept working. That incensed Sereq more than any other reaction he could have had.  
"Is this because you can't keep it in your trousers until you are back? - she asked, full of spite - At the brothel down the road there are loads of little whores like your wife for you to play with." she said, knowing that it was totally unnecessary and out of proportion, but not caring even a tad. That little bitch had not just stolen him once, but kept on stealing him every day, taking hold of his thoughts and ruining what relationship they used to have. She hated her. She hated them both.  
That at least got a reaction out of Xalek. He jumped to his feet, letting the chair fall backwards to the ground. "Leave her out of this! - he growled - She has not done anything wrong to you."  
"She has made you weak and pathetic!" Sereq shouted, rising to her feet as well and feeling her anger come to life like a flame among the cinders of her heart.  
"Then your quarrel is with me." he retorted shooting her an angry look.  
"Yes, it is! - Sereq exclaimed - I chose you because you were strong, because you stopped in front of nothing, but now you are hanging there, lost like a motherless calf, and for what? For love?" she asked.  
Xalek flinched, and she knew that she had found a break.  
"It is unworthy of a Sith to behave like this. It is unworthy of my apprentice. I have half a mind of kicking you back to the shithole where you came from." she added, baring her teeth in a snarl. He flinched again, and she derived a painful sort of satisfaction out of seeing him suffer, out of hurting him, and she knew him well enough to know where to hit for maximum damage.  
"I have no use for weaklings, and love is the worst weakness of them all. It is a cancer that should be eradicated." she continued, wishing that she could do so herself, and erase the pain from her heart.  
"How would you know what love is like, you cruel, heartless woman?!" Xalek shouted, clenching his fists.  
Sereq felt his words hit her like a vibroknife through the heart, and reacted in the only way she knew. By lashing out.

Her Force-push was hard enough to send him flying into the nearest wall, and to force the breath out of him with a pained gasp, but Xalek was back on his feet as soon as he hit the ground, and an instant later he was coming for her with a savage yell, his saberstaff drawn and lighted at one end.  
Sereq drew her own saberstaff as well, activating only one of the two ends as her study was too cramped for easy manouvering, and met him halfway, deflecting his strike and lowering her saber to try and slice clean through his midsection, but he followed her movement and parried the blow. And then he was attacking again, yellow eyes blazing with fury and pain, the Force whirling around him like like a storm. His blade was a blur coming from all directions, and for a moment Sereq had a hard time fending off his initial assault. He used his whole body as a weapon, and his rage as fuel, and there was so much of it. Too much. It was making him too rash, blind to everything that wasn't her, that wasn't hitting, hurting, killing her.  
Sereq was equally furious, but she had more experience in using her anger as a weapon, more focus. She could detach herself from it, and see everything clearly enough to be able to subtly lead their furious dance, directing them across the floor of her wrecked study, until he had his back to the big window that dominated the courtyard two floors below. Sereq took a big risk, intentionally leaving herself open for an attack. When Xalek dove in for the kill, shifting his attention and his balance, she Force-pushed him again, as hard as she could, and threw him clean through the window. The thick glass shattered under the impact and Xalek fell two stories down in a shower of shards. Sereq walked calmly to the empty window-frame and looked down. Xalek was already getting to his feet, his sand-coloured clothes stained dark with blood.  
She stepped off the ledge, using the Force to slow her descent, and landed lightly in the courtyard. She lighted the other end of her saberstaff, profiting from the more open space, cocked her hips and raised a hand in a come-hither gesture.  
"Come on, loverboy, is this everything you have to show?" she taunted.

Xalek growled and re-lighted his saberstaff at both ends, coming for her at high speed, seemingly unaware of his wounds. He must have worked on his fighting technique during his stay on Kalee, or maybe it was just the absolute fury that she could see blazing in his eyes, but this time responding to his Juyo-inspired flurries of blows was much harder than in their last sparring match.  
A hard kick caught her in the stomach, taking her breath away and making her gag. She doubled over and could barely avoid the follow-up swipe from his saberstaff. She leapt away, trying to regain her breath, and he came after her, letting out an inarticulate scream. Still winded, Sereq extended a hand in his direction and let fly a volley of Force-lightning, but Xalek managed to deflect it with one of the blades of his saberstaff. That, however, gave her the time she needed to rush at him, saberstaff spinning, and rain as many blows as she possibly could on him. He stepped back as he parried, forced on the defensive, only to counterattack again a moment later when she overextended herself.

Sereq didn't know how long they danced back and forth like that, exquisitely balanced on the edge between life and death, but, with time, Xalek's wounds started to tell. He fought more defensively, even if not less valiantly, and cut down on the acrobatics, but he was still dangerous, as the cuts and burns that she had acquired could attest, he was still fierce and unbroken. A small part of her heart still noticed how beautiful he was, even with his clothes torn and bloody, how full of life.  
She could have loved him, she would have loved him with all of her heart, if only he had given her the chance.

It was only a matter of time before pain and blood loss brought him low, however, and, finally, Xalek stumbled.  
Sereq could have gone for the killing blow, but pulled her saber off-course at the last possible moment, scoring only a shallow gash across his chest. He hissed in pain and backpedaled, stopping a few steps away, crouched in a tight guard and deeply immersed in the Force to sense what her next move would be.  
"You're done in for. - Sereq said, twirling her staff and pacing in front of him - Surrender. Beg me for your life and I will be merciful. I will even send you back to your whore..." she taunted and she saw him stiffen in outrage.  
"Never. I will never beg you." he growled.  
She had expected that his answer would be on those lines. Not long ago, she had dreamed to make him beg in a totally different way, of giving him pleasure instead of pain. How did they come to that, she could not precisely tell, but they had crossed a point of no return and there was no other way out.  
"Then I will rip your accursed heart out and eat it." Sereq declared.  
Xalek didn't reply.

Sereq advanced again, intending to exploit her remaining strength and her advantage in mobility to force him to retreat further. He waited for her without a hint of fear or worry, and when she was no more than a step away from her, he did something with his saberstaff and the two ends came apart, leaving him with a pair of ruby sabers. He moved just once, a lightning-quick burst of action, twisting his body and swinging his sabers, and Sereq's saberstaff was sliced cleanly in two. It was only thanks to her luck and reflexes that she avoided death and retreated with just a nick on her shoulder. Xalek smirked under his mask, but he was panting hard, and didn't try to follow up on his advantage. His clothes were mostly red with blood now. He must not be far from passing out from blood loss, but still determined to fight her and defy her. That triggered another surge of love and admiration in her heart, and at the same time infuriated her so much that words could not describe it.  
Why couldn't he be hers? Why did he have to hate her and fight her? They could have done so much together, they could have changed the Galaxy, brought peace and order. They could have been gods incarnated.  
"You'll regret this." she growled.  
"I know." he replied quietly.  
With just one of her two blades still functional, Sereq unleashed another bout of Force-lightning at her apprentice. Xalek responded with one of his own, and the two streams of energy met halfway, colliding in a shower of sparks and trying to overcome each other.  
Sereq pushed with all her will. Xalek resisted as much as he could, but even with his iron will and his anger, he was still just an apprentice, and she was still his Mistress, much more experienced in the Force. She pushed him back, inch by inch, applying pressure slowly but relentlessly, until he couldn't resist anymore, but to his credit, he managed to deflect the energy into the nearest wall, where it created a network of cracks in the stone, making chunks of masonry fall to the ground. That distracted him long enough for her to advance again, and put in a few more feints and thrusts, more to probe him and tire him out than anything else.  
He Force-pushed her away, but it was half-hearted and she was able to she right herself mid-air and throw herself straight back at him.  
He was exhausted now. His legs trembled and he had to widen his stance to keep to his feet. She thought it would be an easy kill, so she never saw his Force-bomb coming.  
If, instead of into the fountain, the explosion had thrown her into the wall, it would have shattered her bones, possibly killing her instantly. Where the hell did he learn that, she asked herself, dragging himself out of the fountain, water dripping from her clothes and her hair. Did he pull it off spontaneously, out of sheer force of will?  
However he had managed, that was clearly his last shot. The effort had drained him. He swayed in place and his eyes closed in exhaustion for a moment. Sereq leapt out of the fountain and rushed him, accepting a slight cut to an arm in order to tackle him to the ground. Her shoulder smacked into his sternum, cutting his breath, and he fell to the ground, losing his grip on his weapons.  
Sereq was immediately upon him, using her right foot and the Force to keep him flat on the ground. He cried out in pain. He must have some glass still embedded in his back from the window, she realised. One of his sabers flew into her hand. Hers was still in the fountain, rendered useless by the water. She pressed the activation button an pointed the tip at his throat.

It would have been easy to kill him now. All that it would have taken was one thrust of her saber, and she would have been finally free of him, free of the pain of loving him and not being loved back, but in that fateful moment she found out that she could not.  
She couldn't imagine watching the light fade from his eyes, the life drain out of him and the body she had desired for so long become just meat destined for putrefaction. She could not kill him, love had robbed her of the strength she would have needed to do so.  
But she couldn't let him go with just a slap on the wrist and pretend that everything would be back to normal. He had tried to kill her and he had lost. As a Sith, the only option she had, apart from killing him, was to force him to surrender and then send him away. He could no longer be her apprentice, and she was sure he wouldn't want to anymore anyway.  
To kill the man she loved, or to break him and rob him of his dreams. That was the only choice she had left.  
"Surrender!" she ordered.  
"Kill me!" he replied, trying to struggle and nearly managing to lift his upper body from the flagstones. Sereq pressed harder both with her foot and with the Force and he gasped, slumping back.  
"Surrender, you fool!" she yelled, sitting on his chest and trapping his arms under her feet. She kept the saber pointed at his throat, but cautiously withdrew the Force.  
Xalek made an inarticulate sound of impotent rage and shook his head.  
"I can't!" he yelled, trying to throw her off.  
"Surrender!'" Sereq repeated for the third time, redirecting her Force against Xalek's mind, trying to somehow force him to admit defeat. His will was strong and he resisted fiercely, struggling as if possessed, trying to keep her out with every ounce of strength he had left, but she was patient and determined to save him even in spite of himself and slowly his mind shields crumbled, showering her with fragments of thoughts and feelings, until suddenly she was in his mind.  
His thoughts were barely coherent and interwoven with pain, anger, sadness and shame.

_His Mistress... Above him... Like in his dreams... Dreams with no pain... Good dreams... Not like this... Reality was cruel... He hated it... He hated her... Heartless, cruel... Send him away. No. Rather die. Die by her hand. Cold-hearted goddess... Beautiful... So distant... Couldn't stay away. Couldn't. Worse than death... Worse than anything... Please... Death... His heart... It was hers anyway... Love... She would never know... Too great for him... Too much for him... His goddess... He loved her without hope..._

Sereq withdrew from his mind with a gasp. She slipped off him and let the saber fall, shaking in horror. She pressed a hand against her lips and breathed deeply to prevent herself from crying. What had she done? What had she been on the verge of doing?  
Xalek managed to lift himself on an elbow and stared at her in shock.  
"Xalek, you... What...?" she managed to say in a trembling voice.  
A flash of panic passed over him and through his smashed mind-shields, she sensed his fear. He was afraid of her, she realised. She stared at him in confusion, trying to sort her thoughts out enough to be able to formulate a coherent sentence.  
He extended a hand towards her and all of a sudden, a sharp pain invaded her head and everything went black.

When she came to, Xalek was nowhere to be seen and his sabers had disappeared. The back door leading to the excavations had been blasted open and a trail of bright red blood was spotted on the floor. Even with his weapons, Xalek was too wounded to last in the wilderness for long, not with the lovely fauna that roamed on Korriban.  
Sereq cursed and picked herself up from the floor, feeling her head jolt with pain at the movement. She brought a hand to the back of her head and felt a raised, painful lump under her fingers. A stone from the wall they had wrecked during their duel rested next to where she had been lying. Clever and fast bastard, she thought, with more than a hint of affection.  
Grabbing an electrostaff from one of the racks of weapons set against the far wall, she ran to the door, pausing only to check the trail. The blood was still wet and warm.  
She must have been out of it only for a few moments, thankfully.  
Her whole body protested for the exertion after the thorough beating she had received, but she didn't heed it and set off at a fast run, keeping her eyes glued to the ground before she missed the trail. She couldn't let him die out there, not ever, but especially not now.

The trail snaked between rocks and escarpments, between the excavation areas and towards the old tombs, infested by all sorts of beasts. She could still distinguish drops blood in the dirt and occasional prints of bare clawed feet. She didn't stop, even when her lungs started to burn and her legs felt like lead and she was rewarded.  
At a bend in the path, she saw Xalek in the distance, his sand-coloured clothes a speck of light against the dark rock of the mountain, moving at a stumbling, but still relatively fast, run, likely seeking favourable ground for another stand or a place where he could shake her off her trail. Her heart leapt wildly in her chest and she set off again as fast as she could, using the Force to boost her speed now that she didn't have to rely on tracks on the ground to guide her.  
She ate up the distance that separated them, and caught up with him as he reached the entrance of a secondary valley where some of the minor tombs were located.  
"Xalek!" she called out with all the breath that she could gather.  
Xalek turned towards her voice. The distraction made him misstep on the uneven terrain and he fell to the ground.  
Sereq was on him again before he could regain his feet, and immediately the struggle resumed.  
"Xalek, stop!" she cried out. She didn't want to hurt him more than she already had, but he was deaf to her pleas and appeared to be in a complete, irrational panic.  
Now that she was close, that she was touching him, his broken mind-shields leaked his thoughts over her.

_Love... a weakness... she should have never known... a Sith purged himself of his weaknesses... No... He would die loving her... it was the only thing he had left... He would not let her take it away... Never..._

"I don't want to hurt you, Xalek, please, believe me!" she pleaded, feeling her eyes fill with tears. That sounded like what another Sith might do, maybe even just for kicks, faced with the discovery she had made, but not her, not to him. She loved him and he loved her back. Everything could be mended, if only he stopped fighting her for long enough to listen to what she wanted to tell him.  
"Xalek! You stubborn bastard! - she yelled through her tears - Listen to me! Listen! I am not going to harm you! It's over! No more fighting! Please, my brave!"  
That seemed to go through, somehow, and he stopped struggling for a moment. "I can't stop feeling what I feel, Mistress. I will never be able to." he confessed, desperate.  
"I don't want you to stop. - Sereq replied -Not now, not ever. Please..." she added.  
Xalek looked at her in total confusion. "Mistress... I don't... I don't understand." he said quietly.  
"Look into me, my brave. See, and you will understand." she promised, looking into his eyes and letting her barriers down to allow him in. She let her love for him float to the surface of her mind so that he would see how much she desired him and cherished his company, how much she had missed him and how sorry she was of what she had said to him in her study, of the things she had done to hurt him.  
She saw his expression shift to a peaceful smile, even as his eyes filled with tears. "I love you, my brave... - she whispered, when she felt him withdraw - I have loved you for so long... Please, forgive me..." she added, getting off him to kneel beside him.  
"Mistress... - he breathed - I am yours, I always was and I always will be. Whatever happens, I will always love you." he whispered heatedly, raising a hand towards her to touch her face. She took it before he could have second thoughts and withdraw it and pressed it against her tearstained skin, turning her face to kiss his calloused palm. Xalek closed his eyes and the tears ran down his face, but he was smiling and his happiness reverberated through her.  
Even wounded and battered, painted all over in blood and dirt, he looked breathtakingkly beautiful, so beautiful that her heart skipped a beat.  
"Are you in much pain?" she asked, gently helping him to raise himself from the floor and then to lay his head against her shoulder, so that his weight rested on her and not on his mangled back.  
"This is worth any pain, Mistress." he replied with a pleased little sigh, curling up in her embrace.  
Overcome by tenderness, Sereq placed a kiss on his head, before she let a hand slide down his back, gently feeling for wounds. There were several shards of glass embedded in his flesh, some small, some big, one around which blood was still steadily seeping. He had lost enough blood already that his skin was cold, and his heart beat a crazed tattoo in his chest in the attempt to send blood to the main organs. He needed to be in a bed, with a doctor attending to him and not lying in the dirt in the middle of nowhere.  
Struggling with her free hand, she drew her comm from her utility belt and speed-dialled the frequency for Talos.

The officer replied almost immediately. "Lady Kallig, where are you?" he asked. Their absence must have been noticed.  
"In the secondary valley near tomb DL21. - Sereq replied - I need you to send a rescue team with a medic. Xalek is a bit worse for the wear. A training accident." she minimised.  
"Oh dear... Did said accident involve the destruction of your desk, or of the window of your personal study?" Talos asked, with his usual innocent tone.  
"Don't try to be smart with me, Talos Drellik! - she threatened - Send the kriffing team right now. Use my comm position as a tracer and make haste. We'll be waiting."  
"I'm on it, my Lady. We'll be with you ASAP." Talos announced, then Sereq cut the call.

"I'll be fine, Mistress." Xalek whispered.  
"You have to. You can't die on me, understood?" Sereq retorted, trying to mask her anxiety with a snappy tone.  
"I will not leave you. Ever." Xalek promised in a soft, sleepy voice, raising again his hand to her face in a caress.  
"And you're not allowed to sleep. Not until Talos arrives." she added, taking his hand and kissing it.  
"I won't. If you fall asleep in a dream, you wake up." he replied.  
"It's not a dream, my brave. It is true. Stay with me." she reassured him.  
"Do you want to me to talk to you?" he asked, with a hint of amusement.  
Sereq laughed, almost in spite of herself and he joined her quietly.  
"Would you?" Sereq asked.  
"I would try. For you, anything." he replied.  
Sereq smiled. "There is no need. Conserve your strength. I'll do the talking." she said.  
Xalek nodded and resumed his leisurely exploration of her face.

His slightly clawed fingers traced her features gently as if he was trying to memorise them just by touch. Sereq tried to concentrate on talking, but it was increasingly difficult to think about anything that didn't involve taking his damned mask off and doing the same to him, learning the alien contours of his face until they became familiar and comforting. She couldn't think of a better way to spend the time before the IRS came to rescue them, apart from kissing him until they had no more breath, but she knew that the moment when she took it off would be the moment when Talos and his men arrived, and she didn't really want to force Xalek into revealing in front of strangers things that he preferred to keep hidden. There would be time later, she told herself, limiting herself to hold him as close as she could without hurting him and to soothe him as he slowly rebuilt his battered mental shields.  
  
They talked, or rather she talked and he looked at her with eyes full of wonder and occasionally replied, until they heard the sound of the engines of a few speeders approach their position. The rescue team of the Imperial Reclamation Service arrived in full force and a medic promptly pried Sereq away from her beloved apprentice and helped him lie on his side on the flat bed of the hover-transport they usually used for fragile finds, quickly and efficiently taking Xalek's pulse and hooking him up to a bag of some sort of blood substitute while she watched. He was safe now and Sereq relaxed enough to feel her exhaustion catch up with her.

Some other medical officer tried to force her onto a different transport, but there was still space next to Xalek and she didn't feel like leaving him alone even for a moment until he was back to health. She let herself fall at his side, half-curled against the side of the transport, and took his hand, holding it in hers tenderly.   
Now that she was safe among her people, now that Xalek was safe and next to her, the rocking of the transport was enough to send her into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	4. Peace and Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original Star Wars characters. I do own the OCs, though. I do not make a £ from this.
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, body image issues, xenophilia, discussions of parenthood, snarky ghosts.  
> This is basically made of xeno, so if you object to it, please just hit the back button.

Hours later, the infirmary people transported a barely conscious Xalek into her room.   
There was no way she was leaving him in a part of the building that strangers could access now that he was rather helpless. News traveled fast on Korriban and her apprentice was a prime target to anyone that wanted to undermine her power base. If anyone had got wind of what had transpired between the two of them, it would be even worse. 

No, he would not get out of her immediate reach until he was able to defend himself again, she had decreed, so it was either transporting him to his or her quarters, or allowing her to stand guard in the infirmary. After a bit of resistance, Talos had finally caved in and allowed the transport to her chambers, as his weren't large enough to accommodate the required equipment.

  
Finally, everyone else left and she was left alone with her apprentice. He was lying on his right side on her bed, slightly curled upon himself. A bag of fluids was hooked to his left hand and his torso was wrapped in bandages.   
They had done their damned best to kill each other, and it showed.   
They both had a few cracked ribs and assorted cuts and burns, plus the doctors had extracted at least twelve shards of glass from his back, one of which had nicked one of his kidneys and nearly made him bleed to death. They'd have scars to remind them of this day, of how they had been close to lose each other and of how they had discovered their love.

  
Love..., Sereq thought to herself, as forbidden to a Sith as it was to a Jedi. A weakness, an obstacle, and yet Ashara looked so happy with Nikki and little Jhothy, so radiant.  
Sereq sat on the bed next to Xalek and gently petted his hair. He made a small, happy noise that sounded a lot like a purr and opened his eyes, looking at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
She was happy too, she realised. She felt peaceful and complete, as if she had just found a part of her that had been missing.  
  
Xalek sighed and closed his eyes again, rubbing his face against the pillow as if trying to find a comfortable position. Gods, he looked so cute and awkward like that, like a sleepy, fangy kitten. He was still wearing his mask, she had not allowed the doctors to take it off and leave him worse than naked in front of everyone, and it didn't look comfortable to sleep in.  
"Do you want me to help you take it off?" she whispered, placing her hand over it. Her intentions were not completely selfless. She wanted to see him. She knew that showing one's face to another was a sign of complete trust among the Kaleesh, and she wanted him to willingly surrender that last barrier and be hers without reservations. At the moment he was probably high as a kite on anesthetics, and it wasn't really fair to ask that of him when he was in such a vulnerable state, but she couldn't wait.  
Xalek opened his eyes again and looked at her for a long moment without replying, then his hand covered hers and he nodded. He still trusted her, even if she had nearly killed him and subjected him to what amounted to mental rape.  
  
"Please." he whispered, guiding her hand to the back of his head and to the tie that held his mask in place. She untied it as deftly as she could with trembling fingers, awed by the solemnity of the moment, and shifted her hand back to his mask, looking deep into his eyes, again seeking permission.  
His hand covered hers again, stilling it, and for a long moment he hesitated, then he nodded again and guided her hand as she peeled the mask away from his face. His eyes never left hers for a moment and she could sense his apprehension, his fear that she would find him too alien and disgusting. She held his gaze, she looked, but she couldn't find anything but love in her heart as she finally saw him.  
  
He looked strange, she couldn't deny it. His cheekbones were high and sharp, his mouth broad and nearly lipless and his nose... well there wasn't a lot of it, but she had figured that out already from the shape of his mask, and it was upturned, with a few ridges of skin crossing the bridge. Without the mask, his tusks and jaw-horns looked even more prominent, and his eyes larger and more almond-shaped. His features were very dissimilar from those of a near-human, but there was a certain harmony to his face. He wasn't ugly. He was different, and he was hers.

Sereq placed the mask on the bedside table only by touch and luck, without turning away from him and then, finally, she could touch him. She traced his alien features with the barest touch of her fingertips, getting used to the texture of his scaly skin and to how it had been rubbed smoother in places by his mask. It was astonishingly intimate and yet chaste and tender.  
His eyes fluttered closed and he let her explore at leisure. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He looked completely relaxed and peaceful.  
"You are beautiful." she whispered. It wasn't a lie. She let the truth of that statement surface in her eyes and in the Force so that he would see, so that he would know.  
"Mistress..." he whispered, taking her hand and fervently kissing her palm. The look in his eyes was enough to send a shiver through her and make her want more, but she restrained herself. There would be time for passion later, now what they needed was peace.  
She smiled at him and shifted her hand to his hair, caressing the back of his head. She found the tie that held his queue together and untied it, gently threading her fingers through his hair and smoothing it on the pillow. Xalek groaned in pleasure and for a moment she fought with the impulse of fisting her hand in his hair and kissing him hard enough to make the blood boil in their veins.   
She forced herself to keep it gentle, instead, and kept petting and caressing him until little by little he fell asleep, and then a bit more. It was very relaxing and she only stopped when her eyes started closing spontaneously. She needed to sleep.  
For a moment, she considered the idea of just slipping beneath the covers next to Xalek, but decided against it. He needed to rest and they were both too bruised for randomly bumping against each other in the night to be that fun. There would be time for that as well. There was all the time in the world, she told herself. For now she'd sleep on the armchair. She sat there, with a blanket wrapped around her body and her hastily repaired saberstaff across her knees and promptly blacked out.

When the soft knocking awoke her, some time later, Sereq got to the door in fractions of a second, with her saber lighted. The doorknob twisted slowly from the outside. Sereq grabbed the inside knob and pulled hard, then darted out, ready to strike.  
She pulled up short however, when she saw who was the intruder: her ex-girlfriend, almost apprentice and self-proclaimed little sister, Ashara Zavros.  
"Did I disturb anything?" the fallen Jedi asked with a wink and a sly smile.  
"Ashara!" Sereq exclaimed, rather vexed. Ashara had been extremely shy and inhibited about sex when they started their brief relationship a couple of years before, but now, after having a child with Nikki and marrying him (in this order) she was very comfortable with the idea and with her body.  
"Just asking! - Ashara declared, defensively raising her hands over her head - It was rather transparent that there is something between you, and as they say, a lone woman with a lone man will not waste time on reading the Jedi Code..." she added.  
"Even Xalek doesn't heal that fast. I nearly killed him. - Sereq said, shaking her head in horror - Maybe love is really as dangerous as the Jedi say." she added with a sigh.  
"Only when it is repressed. - Ashara said assuredly - Otherwise it is peace and passion at the same time. It is the best thing you can have in your life, sister." she added with a soft smile.  
Sereq smiled as well. "I am starting to realise this. - she admitted - Do the others know?" she added as an afterthought, trying to mask her anxiety.  
Ashara nodded. "Know and approve, I think. - she replied - At least, Nikki and I do approve."

 _"I do not, instead."_ a disembodied voice chimed in.  
Sereq turned towards the spirit of her ancestor, Aloysius Kallig. "Didn't I help you pass over?" she asked, crossing her arms on her chest.  
 _"You did, but I can still pay a visit to my wayward scion and tell her what I think about her choice of lovers."_ the ghost said.  
 _"Cheer up, Kallig! At least this time he is from the right gender."_ another voice commented.  
Kalatosh Zavros, the fallen Jedi ancestor of Ashara, had appeared out of nothing, most likely also to express his disapproval of their marital choices.  
"Don't you old men have anything better to do instead of meddling in things that do not concern you? - Sereq asked, more and more irritated - You could be watching some construction works."  
"Or queuing up at the medicenter at opening time." Ashara added with a cheeky smile. She couldn't really see or hear distinctly the ghosts, but she had seen her interact with them enough to be able to butt in as necessary.  
 _"That was very ageist!"_ Lord Kallig protested.  
 _"Oh, yes. So funny. -_ Kalatosh commented, rolling his eyes - _Spirit speaker, tell my descendent that she could at least have made the effort to go to Shili and find a mate from our own species to continue the bloodline. Why did she have to pick a human?"_ he lamented.  
Sereq sighed but passed on the message.  
"Well, if you don't like it, kriff yourself, old man. That's all I'm going to say." Ashara declared belligerently, crossing her arms under her shapely breasts.  
"She told you to kriff yourself." Sereq told the rather astonished spirit.  
 _"I had heard that the first time."_ Kalatosh said, crossing his arms as well in a pose of offended dignity that was almost identical to that of his descendant.  
"I just wanted to press the point." Sereq replied, shrugging and regretting it immediately as her bruised bones and muscles protested.  
 _"I think he is right."_ Lord Kallig butted in.  
"No one really asked your opinion, you know?" Sereq retorted.  
 _"Well, I am giving it anyway._ \- Lord Kallig insisted petulantly - _How do you plan on continuing our bloodline if you keep on choosing lovers from the wrong sex or species?_ " he asked.  
"What is wrong with you ancestral people? - Sereq exclaimed, losing her patience - It sounds like you are trying to breed us like cattle!" she added, and she was angry enough that lightning spilled from her fingers.  
"When and if I decide to have children, it will be on my terms, so forget about me marrying some guy from Iridonia I barely know." she growled.  
 _"I'd like to know how you will have offspring from a Kaleesh. Your two species are not compatible."_ Lord Kallig provoked, crossing his arms on his chest and sounding smug. If he had not been a ghost and an old man, she would have kicked the smugness out of his voice.  
"I know that, genius. - she hissed - I guess you haven't ever heard of artificial insemination, right?" she taunted.  
Both ghosts remained silent and Kalatosh actually looked quite disgusted.  
 _"That sounds really awful..."_ he commented with a grimace.  
 _"What is that? Some way unwanted women have of having children?"_ Lord Kallig asked with audible disdain.  
"A way busy women have of having it all without wasting time with dickheaded men." Sereq retorted.  
Lord Kallig shook his incorporeal head and muttered to himself, while Ashara laughed.  
 _"I won't waste breath on this issue._ \- Lord Kallig conceded - _I don't really care about the mechanics, as long as you make at least a child for the Kallig bloodline."_  
"Hey, you can make no demands of me!" Sereq protested.  
 _"I can._ \- the spirit replied - _I helped you and protected you on your way to greatness. You owe me this. You owe it to your whole family and to yourself."_ he added peremptorily.  
Sereq hesitated an instant to reply to that nonsense, but it was an instant too long. With a _"Let's go, my friend..."_ directed to Kalatosh, the two ghosts disappeared back into the Force before she could say a single word.   
The only way she had left of discharging her frustration was to throw a lightning bolt in the general direction of their retreat. It accomplished nothing apart from charring the wall, but it helped her calm down a bit.

"Are you alright, sister?" Ashara asked solicitously, laying a hand on her shoulder.  
Sereq shook her head. "I've just managed to messily resolve my sentimental issues and this arsehole from the past comes to pressure me into sprogging brats!? That is mental! Absolutely mental!" she hissed.  
"I know, I know... - Ashara tried to comfort her - Us women, we have it hard from all sides. If we have kids we come across as not committed enough to our mission, if we don't, we disappoint our families. We can't win." she lamented.  
"I can't have kids, Ashara. - Sereq said, feeling rather panicky - Sometimes I think I'd like to, but I'm not stable enough for kids. And I mean mentally." she added.  
Ashara didn't say anything but looked at her as if encouraging her to continue.  
"I mean, I love Xalek, and yet I nearly killed him because I got angry with him. - Sereq said, shaking her head - I'd end up hurting them or worse..."  
"We wouldn't let you. - Ashara declared firmly, squeezing her shoulder - About you and Xalek... well, nothing of this would have happened if you had talked to each other about your feelings."  
Sereq grimaced and gathered her breath to talk, but Ashara raised her hand and made her stop. "I know Sith don't talk about their feelings, but you keep on saying that you are not a stereotypical Sith, and we are your friends. You trust us, don't you?" she asked.  
"Yes, I do, but..." Sereq replied.  
"No buts. - Ashara interrupted her again - Next time there is a problem between the two of you, talk it out."  
"Easier said than done." Sereq commented.  
"Pah! Xalek talks to you a lot more than he talks to anyone. - Ashara said, dismissing her objections - And, anyway, if you think you're getting stuck into a bad mood, you can always talk to me. I am always happy to help and advise you." she added cheerfully.  
"And now you are an expert in relationships?" Sereq teased.  
"Well, I'm a married woman now..." Ashara replied smugly.  
"Fair enough, but I don't think you've ever gotten to the point of violence with Andronikos." Sereq objected.  
"Well, actually, I threw all our plates and pans at him about a month ago." Ashara confessed, colouring in embarrassment.  
"Really? - Sereq commented, eyes wide in surprise - What did he do?"  
Ashara coloured even more. "I found a data crystal full of porn movies in our video system." she confessed.  
"Oh, boy, that is bad..." Sereq commented with a low whistle.  
"He claimed he was trying to educate Xalek about, you know..." Ashara revealed, trying to defend her husband.  
Sereq stared at her with a look of total incomprehension.  
"Yeah, well... - Ashara said, looking away - He was... I mean... He had never... had any experiences before. That's what Nikki said." she explained, looking very uncomfortable.  
Sereq's face fell. Xalek had been a virgin before he married?  
"Oh.." she managed to say.  
"Please, sister, don't get too hung up on that. - Ashara pleaded - You told me yourself that it does not mean anything."  
"I did, but this... this is different." Sereq objected weakly.  
"No, it is not. - Ashara insisted - Unless you were lying to me just to get in my underwear..."  
"I didn't lie to you. I believe a woman's value does not reside in her chastity." Sereq retorted.  
"Then a man's value does not reside in it either. - Ashara argued - I know you wish he had only ever been yours, but he loves you and only you, so does it really matter that he has had some... experience before you? You said it's much more fun with with an experienced partner..." she added.  
"Do you always quote me so often?" Sereq asked, managing a smile.  
"Only when you are right. - Ashara replied cheerfully - Now would you do your little sister a favour and listen to some advice?"  
Sereq nodded.  
"Good. - Ashara approved - Now you stop worrying about what happened and go back to your man. Make him happy. Be happy yourself. We will watch your back, whatever happens and whatever you decide about having kids." she promised.  
Overcome by a sudden moment of affection, Sereq hugged the fallen Jedi. "Where would I be without you and the rest?" she asked.  
Ashara hugged her back gently, mindful of her battered state. "And where would we be without you?" she retorted.  
Sereq hugged her some more, then let her go and took a step back, feeling her eyes sting with happy tears.  
"I... Thanks, little sister." she stammered.  
"Don't mention it. - Ashara retorted, waving a hand in the air - Now go. You deserve to be happy." she added, and turned about, walking briskly away down the corridor.

Sereq watched her disappear behind the corner and slipped back into her room, padding as quietly as she could to the bed.  
At first Xalek appeared to be sleeping, but his eyes opened and zeroed in on her as soon as she was close.  
"Did we wake you up?" Sereq asked, sitting on the bed next to him and taking his hand in hers.  
"I woke up when you left the room, Mistress. - he replied softly - I didn't hear much of your conversation, though." he added hastily.  
Sereq smiled. "There was nothing secret." she reassured him.  
"Was your ancestor here?" he asked.  
Sereq nodded. "He likes to meddle, but it was nothing urgent." she replied, altering the truth only slightly. She still had time to think about having children.  
"Now, Ashara told me something interesting about you, Andronikos and porn movies. Care to explain?" she asked, abruptly switching subject.  
Xalek's red skin became even redder in embarrassment. "He was only trying to be helpful." he said.  
"And was he?" Sereq asked, lowering her face next to his and tracing the shell of his ear with the tip of her tongue. Xalek gasped and arched in pleasure and surprise.  
"That night... - Xalek started, his voice rough with desire - That night I dreamed of you. I woke up mad with need." he confessed, twisting in the bed so that his mouth was only a breath away from hers. Sereq nodded and he grabbed her by the nape of her neck, pressing his mouth to hers gently but passionately nonetheless. The shape of his lips was different from that of any other person she had ever kissed, but she didn't mind: it was as if it was her first kiss all over again. Her real first kiss had been wasted on some fellow slave whose name and face she barely remembered. Her second chance, instead, was being shared with a person she truly loved, and it was wonderful.  
It was a gentle kiss, but there was nothing tentative or hesitant. They were learning each other still, but they were enjoying every moment of it.

"Gods, Mistress..." Xalek panted when they surfaced for air a little later.  
Sereq smiled. "You're not too bad yourself." she teased.  
Xalek managed to roll onto his back and pulled her on top of him for another kiss. She followed his lead eagerly, straddling his hips, and kissed him passionately, feeling his manhood already hard beneath her. The kiss however lasted only for a moment, before Xalek broke it with a gasp of pain.  
Sereq surfaced from her lust-intoxicated state and took her weight off him.  
"Did I hurt you?" she asked, feeling horribly guilty.  
Xalek shook his head. "I was just a bit too optimistic about my recovery. Sorry about this." he replied in a tight voice.  
"Don't worry. You are worth the wait... - she reassured him as she sat back on the bed - Anyway, it is my fault that you are like this."  
"We are warriors. It happens." Xalek said, shifting back to his side with a sigh of relief.  
"I guess it does, sometimes. - Sereq commented softly, caressing his cheek - Are you in much pain, my brave?" she asked then, feeling the tension in his frame.  
"It is uncomfortable. - he admitted, which meant it was quite painful- But it will pass."  
"Roll onto your front. I can help." Sereq instructed. He did as told, exposing his wounded back to her and glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. Sereq straddled his hips again but without putting her weight on him. She brushed his hair onto the pillow and gently laid her hand on his shoulder.  
"Ever heard of Force-healing?" she asked.  
"Isn't it a Jedi thing?" he asked.  
"It is a useful thing." she replied.  
"You can do it?" he asked again, rather surprised.  
"A little. - she admitted - I can teach you, if you want." she offered.  
"I do." Xalek declared.  
"Good. - she commented happily - Then pay attention to what I do, because you'll have to do it to me later." she instructed.  
Xalek nodded eagerly and Sereq could not help but smile. She closed her eyes and immersed herself into the Force, letting it flow through her hands, scanning for pain and damage under the bandages as she gently slid them down his back, touching him only with the barest amount of pressure.  
The still raw wounds flared in her senses as flashes of red and blazing white, and she could feel their shape and depth as if she was probing them with his fingers.  
"Can you feel what I am doing?" she asked.  
"Yes..." Xalek replied softly, his voice sounding slightly strained.  
Sereq slid her hands over the deepest wound, the one that nearly killed him, and sent a pulse of Force into it, coaxing the tissues to knit back and the flesh to mend. Xalek gasped in surprise and instinctively strengthened his mental shields, trying to keep the alien sensation out.  
"Don't resist. - Sereq instructed, frowning and cutting the stream- I need you to let me in. Do you trust me?" she asked.  
"It feels strange." Xalek protested.  
"It does, but only if you fight against it. - she conceded - Let go, my brave. Let it happen. I promise it will not hurt."  
Xalek sighed and tried to relax. Sereq could see his Force-signature smoothing out and could feel his mind shields dimming. She sent a tendril of Force as a caress to reassure him and resumed her attempt at healing. This time he did not resist. He willingly tore his shield down and let her in, deeper than anyone, even Ashara, had ever done before, literally baring his soul to her. She could have done anything to him. She could have killed him, she could have broken his mind. He knew it, but he gave himself up to her nonetheless. Sereq hesitated only an instant before doing the same. Now that she didn't have to worry about shielding, she could use more Force to heal him. She did and Xalek let a moan of pleasure escape his lips as she went deeper.  
"It feels good, doesn't it?" she asked, feeling an echo of that pleasure herself.  
"Yes... - he rasped, arching into her touch - Is it always supposed to feel... like this?... to feel so good?"  
"I like making you feel good." Sereq replied. It wasn't much of an explanation, but he accepted it anyway.  
Sereq worked her way across his back, trying to heal him as much as possible, wanting to make him whole and happy again. At first, he just let her work passively, but after a while, she could feel his Force thread around hers and help her, supporting her as she used more and more of herself to heal him.  
"You need to stop now." Xalek said eventually, shutting her out again and forcing her to cut the stream.  
"I wasn't done yet." she protested, feeling weak and sleepy.  
"You are exhausted." he objected.  
Sereq sighed. "I am." she conceded, sliding off him and standing next to the bed. Her legs felt wobbly, and her head too light. Maybe she had overdone it a bit.  
"Time to switch roles, then." he said, rolling back to his side and drawing the covers back and patting the bed next to him to invite her in.  
Sereq's mouth dried at the sight. Apart from bandages, he was wearing only a pair of dark boxer briefs and looked very happy to be alive. She blushed, feeling even more light - headed. I should say no, was the first thing that occurred to her, but she struggled to think of a reason why, possibly because there wasn't one apart from her nerves.  
"Wait for me. I'll change into something more comfortable." she said, dashing to the refresher without even waiting for an answer.

She closed the door behind her and quickly shed the dark fatigues she had been wearing since they had been brought back home by the IRS. The only other garment she had close by was a sleeveless nightgown of thin, quick-dry space-cloth. It was nothing sexy, with its essential, straight cut, but it would have to do. Sereq toyed with the idea of shedding her un-sexy, plain cotton panties and going back to bed commando, but her nerve failed her.  
Maybe he was still too hurt and not yet ready. Maybe it was her who was not ready. It meant so much to her that she wanted it to be perfect. She didn't want to blow it...  
And now she was overthinking again, she realised. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down and splashed her face with cool water. It helped a bit and she tried to cool herself down even further by applying more water to her wrists and neck.  
It was then that she realised that her arms, and her legs up to the knee, and even what passed for her cleavage were uncovered.  
She had never worn so little in front of her apprentice and he probably had never realised that the ritual tattoos she had gotten in a moment of species pride were not confined to her face but went all the way down her body. Ashara had not found that off-putting, but togruta were naturally patterned and appreciated that sort of markings on their partners. Would Xalek like her even if she was flat-chested and striped, and in general as far as possible from the ideal of Kaleesh female beauty?  
There was only one way to know, she told herself, and at any rate, she couldn't stay locked in the 'fresher forever.   
Feeling acutely self-conscious, Sereq stepped back into the room.

Hearing the door open, Xalek lifted his head from the pillow and turned towards her. The look in his eyes, the fire it contained, burned away all her fears and she padded towards the bed with a lighter step.  
She ended up on her side, facing away from him. Xalek encircled her with his arms and pressed the length of his body against her. He was warm and solid and reassuring, and she found that it was easy to relax, being held like that.  
"Shall I, Mistress?" Xalek whispered, close to her ear.  
Sereq nodded, feeling a shiver go through her. "Have a go." she said, preparing herself to drop her shields.  
He laid a hand on her side, over her bruised ribs. She could feel the warmth of his touch through the nightgown, and then she felt his Force flowing through her, gently soothing her pain. She let go of her shields and let him in as deep as he would go. It tickled, but it felt good, and she couldn't prevent herself from moaning in pleasure and arching into him.  
His hand went slowly down towards her bruised abdomen, still tender from the kick he had given her, and then to her left tight which sported a shallow lightsaber burn, healing as it went and extracting whimpers from her lips as it healed her, then slid lower still, until it reached the hem of her nightgown and kneaded her flesh through the fabric.  
Sereq gasped at the contact, then gasped again when Xalek's hand climbed upwards again, sliding under the hem. He had let go of the Force, but his touch still made her squirm in pleasure.  
"Tell me to stop, Mistress. " he whispered, and she shivered at the feel of his warm hand on her skin and of his warm breath on her neck.  
"Don't stop." Sereq managed to whisper and his hand resumed its climb up her leg. It reached the edge of her panties without stopping, even if she fervently wished it did, and climbed even further upwards, skimming over her side and her ribs, until it glided feather-light over the underside of her breast, where it stopped, just short of where she wanted it, possibly waiting for her authorisation.  
"Please..." she moaned.  
Xalek growled low in his throat and shifted his hand upwards, covering her breast with it and kneading it gently.  
Somehow he had managed to free his other hand from under her and now it travelled to her other breast. His touch was light as he rubbed, twisted and pinched her nipples, but her mind was overwhelmed by pleasure and then his left hand started sliding lower again, caressing her belly and inching closer to the edge of her underwear. Sereq instinctively spread her legs for him, but his fingers skipped over the edge again, sliding between her thighs and teasing her through the fabric. She was aching so much for him already that that barest contact was enough to force a sharp cry from her lips.  
"Gods, Mistress... I love the way you sound..." Xalek whispered, stilling his fingers just above her nub.  
"If you stop now, I'll kill you." Sereq panted, finding her voice for a moment.  
"I'm not stopping now. Not until you tell me to." he replied heatedly, resuming his gentle friction as his other hand teased her breast. Sereq arched into him, feeling him hard and ready against her backside. His touch was sending her into a frenzy. She wanted more, she wanted everything, and just as she was going to beg him, his fingers slid into her panties and over her heated, sensitised flesh. She could feel him throb against her, but his touch was still gentle, almost reverential, and yet her pleasure built higher and higher inside her. She tensed in his arms, struggling and panting, until his it brought her to a trembling, whimpering climax

"I'm sure this is not how the Jedi do it..." Sereq commented sleepily when she resurfaced, moments later.  
Xalek chuckled lightly. "Then they are missing out." he retorted.  
Sereq smiled to herself and turned on the bed, facing him."They always will, because you are mine." she declared.  
"Yes. I am." he admitted contentedly. He rolled to his back and dragged her closer to him, so that her head rested on his shoulder, and Sereq sighed in pleasure, thanking her luck for the fact that her horns were mostly on her forehead and crown and not on her temples. That would have restricted their cuddling possibilities quite a bit, and she had to admit that she liked cuddling almost as much as she liked sex.  
Xalek didn't seem to mind either, and started caressing her face gently. It was very relaxing and Sereq felt herself falling away, but there was something missing, and the thought kept her reasonably awake. She had taken her pleasure, but Xalek was still waiting for his turn. He wasn't protesting, but it felt very selfish to fall asleep and leave him hanging.  
She nuzzled his neck, almost purring, and let her hand slide down his body, wishing that there weren't so many bandages in the way, so that she could feel his skin against hers. His hand covered and stilled hers just as it was nearing its target.  
"You don't have to do this, if you don't want it." he told her quietly.  
"But I want it." Sereq replied. She freed her hand and gave a gentle squeeze to his still-hard manhood through his underwear. Xalek gasped and jerked his hips in pleasure.  
"And you want it, don't you?" Sereq asked.  
Xalek nodded frantically and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. They got rid of their clothes as well as they could without breaking it.  
Some stuff might have gotten damaged, but finally there was nothing between them and it felt glorious.  
Sereq toyed with the idea of rolling on her back and letting him have his way with her as he pleased, but discarded it. She had already had her needs seen to, now it was time for her to do something for her apprentice, and she just knew what he desired. She had seen it in his mind when she nearly broke him.

Gasping for air, Sereq broke the kiss and straddled his hips once more, rubbing herself against him. Xalek's eyes fluttered closed and he cursed softly.  
"Is this what you dreamed of?" Sereq asked as she took him in hand and guided him into herself.  
"Yes! - he cried out - Oh, gods, yes!"  
Sereq smiled to herself and let her body sink slowly over his. She felt him move and reacted, trapping his wrists against the bed with her hands before he could grab her waist and force her to speed up.  
"I'm... I'm not going to last, if you do it like this..." he confessed, tossing his head on the pillow.  
"No one is giving any prizes for endurance..." Sereq replied hoarsely, moaning as their bodies finally joined as completely as possible. She stilled and bent low to kiss him, giving him time to get used to the feeling.  
"Please, Mistress... - he gasped, finally breaking the kiss - Please, move for me..."  
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Sereq growled.  
"Yes! - he replied frantically - Yes, please, Mistress! Take me. Use me as you wish."  
She did. She rode him as hard as she dared and it felt so good... His hands were on her hips, supporting her, urging her, and his eyes looked into hers, full of need and wonder and love... Sereq had imagined that this time she would give him pleasure without tending to her own needs, but her pleasure started building higher and higher as she brought him closer.  
"Mistress... So close..." he gasped.  
"My name... Say my name!" she urged him, bending again to brush his lips with a kiss.  
"Sereq!" he cried out.  
He grabbed her by her hair and held her so that she was looking into his eyes when he came undone. Something shifted inside her, deep in her heart and soul as well as in her body, and she succumbed to a wave of tenderness and pleasure.  
She cried out his name as she climaxed again in his arms.

"I love you..." Xalek whispered sometime later, as she lay slumped over his chest. Sereq wasn't very comfortable in that position, her arms and hips were straining, but she didn't want to end that moment. She wanted to stay like that (sated, peaceful, loved) forever, but eventually the demands of her body won out and she had to slide off him.  
She lay down by his side, resting her head on his shoulder and entwining her legs with his. He held her close and she closed her eyes, realising that the moment had subtly shifted its mood, but had not truly ended. She felt more peaceful than ever in her life, and yet that peace had been born of the deepest passion she had ever felt.  
You can have both, she realised. Maybe you can truly have everything: power and friends, responsibility and a family, duty and love.  
"Don't ever leave me, Xalek, understood?" she mumbled, holding him as close as she could.  
"Never. - he promised - Beside you is my place. It is home."  
"Home... - she repeated, raising her head to look at him once more - Yes, home." she whispered.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could be complete now, unless people request that I continue with some short vignettes about duty and kids...


End file.
